During a Wednesday Battle of the Bridge men’s soccer matchup, St. Peter Canisius said, “Let there be darkness,” and the Demske Sports Complex lost power. This was horrible luck for all four of the fans that showed up. The power outage proved to be the most exciting moment of the game. Colin Richey and Andrew Nowel went down to the field to provide live play-by-play analysis of National Grid repairing the power. Richey recounts that he saw one of the technicians Google, “how to restore power to entire athletic complex tutorial,” and was met with four unskippable ads on YouTube.” Nowel noted that National Grid’s performance was the worst he’d seen since Canisius hockey lost to RPI twice.
Public Saf- I mean, Campus Police, really, really, want you to know they are the police. Reports suggest they may be compensating for something else…
We petition Today@Canisius to be changed to 1p.m.orLater@Canisius due to consistently sending out their emails while the day is coming to a close and when the event happened five hours prior! Another idea is WhatYouMissedToday@Canisius
The Underground completed a social experiment of its own on Wednesday. It scavenged campus asking people in an earnest tone, “Hey…how ya doing?” and all those who took a pause and answered something along the lines of “eh,” they let pass, but for those who did a little jig and let out a happy howl…they haven’t been heard from since.
Shingles here, and planning on joining Jill Stein on her 4-year power nap. She and I will take the “Stein-sleep” until the next election. Goodnight y’all <3
Here lies the last day that DHall’s food will ever be described as more than cardboard. Today, our Italian (actually he’s from San Marino) King, Steve from DHall, who ensured that we had something that wouldn’t hurt our tummies too bad, is leaving citing the lack of ice cream machines. But for real though, we will miss you, Steve.
The Underground would like to announce that it will also be leaving Canisius due to the lack of sweet treats.
The Underground would like to take this time to remind people to keep their feet in their own backpacks. We’re looking at you, Maddy Lockwood.
Alright y’all, I am not happy with the Orange Man having the nuclear codes either; but if I’m put through another mindful minute, or hear the phrases, “holding space for you” or, “coping through these trying times” one more time I am going to lose my marbles.
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