Eleven water bottles have been reported missing following editing night in the Griffin office. A reward for the missing bottles will be offered in the form of Griffbucks.
The editors of The Griffin were added earlier this week to a group chat consisting of Vice President Vance, Secretary of Defense Hegseth and an alien named Xeboraziko. We can now report that the United States, in conjunction with the Galactic Federation of Interplanetary Civilizations, will launch an airstrike on Neptune this week. Weapons are being readied at Area 51 as we speak.
Shingles here, after spending all of spring break on RedNote, I can tell you all that people in China are just as confused as we are. Shingles does have to say, the pet taxes there are really easy to pay, I have so many cat photos to share.
The latest financial cut has hit the Second Churchill Tower.
Breaking: They also hit the Pavilion.
The sports corner started a band in the office on Thursday night called The Dippy and Dipshit Trio. After an impassioned audition to be the GriffFest entertainers, Jason Francey sadly rejected the group.
Later, Dippy of the trio commented, “We have been silenced and Jason is jealous of our talent.”
“Dip-heads,” Dipshit said, referring to their fan base. “Never fear! Tour dates dropping soon!” Tickets to The Dippy and Dipshit Trio: Live can be purchased April 1 on GriffConnect.
Staff applications for The Griffin are open! Hopefully, it’s not one of those aforementioned “bad years.”