Q: “My partner forgot Valentine’s Day last year. Should I remind them this year or see if they remember?”
A: The age-old question: Do we remind them or let them sink or swim? You’re not alone in wondering if your partner will redeem themselves this year or if history will repeat itself. Here are a few things to consider before deciding your approach.
For starters, if you’re still thinking about – and, might I add, writing about – the fact that they forgot a year later, it’s clear that this is something that’s important to you. I get being upset at them, and I agree that you shouldn’t have to remind them, but you’re heightening the chances of being let down again if you don’t say something. Your partner forgetting last year doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care. Maybe they were overwhelmed with work, family obligations or just lost track of the date. Giving them a heads-up ensures the occasion doesn’t slip through the cracks again.
For some (you), it’s a big deal, while for others (them, possibly), it’s just another Friday. If celebrating Valentine’s Day is meaningful to you, it’s okay to communicate that instead of hoping they suddenly become Cupid incarnate. If you want a special Valentine’s Day, why not take the initiative? Suggesting a plan or dropping a hint isn’t about doing all the work – it’s about showing enthusiasm for celebrating your relationship, and hopefully they’ll do the same. Love is a two-way street, and expressing things you’d enjoy makes it easier for your partner to show up for you. And if that still doesn’t work, a simple, “I can’t wait for Valentine’s Day this year! Should we plan something fun together?” can set the tone without feeling like a lecture.
Your partner forgetting last year doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care. Giving them a heads-up ensures the occasion doesn’t slip through the cracks again. They’ll appreciate it. And if they still don’t make the effort post-heads up? Well, then I think you guys might have a bigger conversation in store.
So don’t sit back and hope for the best – speak up, set expectations and create a Valentine’s Day you’ll both enjoy. If you prefer to test their memory, wait and see, but be prepared for the possibility they may forget again. In my opinion – and you asked Ava – you should tell them. Speak up and set expectations!
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